Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
