I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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