conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
