just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
