Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
