Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Bring me that man meat
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
