there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
