Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
