grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
