It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
