not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
