So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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