i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
