it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
