There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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