these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
