So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ttyl tear gas
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
