I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You ate ashes out of my bong
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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