Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
