Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
