I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Welp...herpes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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