i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
