boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
