i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
