I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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