All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
