You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
