i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im six kinds of drunk right now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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