i may or may not be watching the land before time
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
