She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
