ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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