there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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