Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
