I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
