i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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