sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
