She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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