he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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