How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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