Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was confusing and full of hummus
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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