it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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