put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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