I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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