The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
