she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
