the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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