Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage