I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
