This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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