I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
