Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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