You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
