Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
