last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
