she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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