Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
