you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
