It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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