We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
