He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
