I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
