It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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