he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
