I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We left the knife in your bed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
