pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
