I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
