okay pat passed out under dana's car
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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