Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
